AFA Counteraction Alert - Won't Someone Think of the CHILDREN???

I grow weary of the AFA. I still feel their consistently vapid and exaggerated Action Alerts are worth combating (it must be nice for the companies and individuals targeted by these idiots to field a few comments from sane individuals now and again), I just don't have the energy to take them seriously anymore - after all, they don't even take themselves seriously. If they did, their Action Alerts and articles would contain actual facts rather than frenzied rhetoric. From now on I'll merely be using comedic translation to lampoon them like the clowns they are. I'm being generous, ridicule is more than they deserve.

The original text of the AFA Action Alert appears in italics, my helpful "translation" appears in bold.

Dear Friend,

Dear like-minded zealot,

Clad in rainbow colors and Human Rights Campaign stickers, these Home Depot employees help promote the company's outspoken pride for homosexuality.

Home Depot is proud they treat the gays like humans. They don't even have the decency to be ashamed of their disgustingly non-discriminatory attitudes.

According to the 2010 Southern Maine Pride website, Home Depot signed on as a major sponsor of its 2010 Gay Pride event. But simply financing the event wasn't enough for the big box chain.

Giving money to the gays is bad enough, but just wait until you get a load of what we're about to reveal...

Home Depot also signed on as a vendor, conducting kid's craft workshops for children in the midst of loud and boisterous gay activities.

Holy fuck! Did you catch that? CHILDREN! and GAYS! in PUBLIC! TOGETHER!

To this end, Home Depot is basically encouraging the attendance of children at events which openly expose them to transvestites, cross-dressers, and homosexual activists.

There weren't any children at these things until Home Depot showed up to entertain them! It's not like the queers have families! Home Depot must be luring kids in from NORMAL families whose parents are too stupid to realize they've just wandered into a Pride event! (Also, we're horribly confused by transgender terminology and have no idea that transvestite and cross-dresser are culturally synonymous terms.)

Unfortunately, Home Depot's participation in the Southern Maine Pride Festival doesn't stand alone. It has also sponsored and participated in the 2010 Boston Gay Pride parade.

They're everywhere! No where is safe! Why, if we don't stop them, YOUR town might be the next to be exposed to their filthy message of equality! And crafts. Filthy, filthy crafts.

Homosexuals often exploit young children in their desire to 'normalize' their gay lifestyle.

Those bastards! WE get to decide what's normal! Otherwise, kids might grow up thinking logic and equality trump prejudice and dogma!!! It's exploitative! Children don't have anything to gain from equality!

Gay pride events have a long track record for offensive public displays of homosexual conduct.

Have you seen them? It's disgusting! They have the gall to act like NORMAL couples! All huggin' and holdin' hands and stuff! And if you wade through thousands of totally decent photos you'll eventually come across a couple that are almost, very nearly, risque! It's revolting!

Obviously, Home Depot is OK with the idea of exposing children to an unhealthy and risky environment. So much so, it is willing to also celebrate it by participating in its promotion.

They're exposing these defenseless, innocent, CHILDREN to their own PARENTS, FAMILIES, and FRIENDS!!! Can you believe it??? It's unhealthy! It's risky! We can't say why, but... but... it is!!! CHILDREN!!!

TAKE ACTION

Bolster your sense of self-righteousness without exposing yourself in public where your bigotry might be recognized for what it is.

Send an email to let Home Depot know you are sickened by their support and approval of children at homosexual events.

Let Home Depot know that you vomit at the sight of families that aren't carbon copies of your own.

If you are a customer, please add an additional personal line to our prepared letter to Home Depot.

Also, tell them that you'll be buying your wholesome supplies at a store more sensitive to your bigotry.

After sending your email, make an extra effort to protect children by calling Home Depot personally. Brad Shaw is the Vice President of Public Relations. His direct number is 770-384-5350.

If you're comfortable outing yourself as a moron who can't tell the difference between danger and normal human behaviors, clog up Brad Shaw's phone lines in an attempt to protect children from their own friends and families.

Yes... that was far more enjoyable for me than logically dissecting their bullshit. There is one bit in the companion article I'd like to seriously comment on though:

"While homosexuals, who make up about two percent of the population, might applaud Home Depot for its actions, AFA contends the corporation is taking the risk of offending and losing business from the other 98 percent of the public."

Really, I wouldn't have thought you could pack so much propagandist crap into a single sentence. There are a number of tactics commonly used by anti-equality groups like the AFA at work here:

1 - Using the term "homosexuals" when discussing queer organizations and events.

When attempting to properly cultivate an "Us vs. Them" mentality it's important to eliminate all shades of gray, and Pride events are brimming with shades of gray. The queer community isn't composed only of individuals who primarily identify as homosexual, it includes individuals across the entire spectrum of sexual and gender identity. By only mentioning the opposite end of the spectrum from what they consider "normal", anti-equality groups neatly avoid discussing the fact that sexuality isn't black and white. Hinting at the existence of non-homosexual individuals like myself who identify as queer* only leads to a realization that human sexuality is too complex to be simply categorized as "Us" and "Them".

2 - Asserting that homosexuals "make up about 2% of the population".

2% is such a tiny little percentage, isn't it? Let's pretend for a moment that their percentage is accurate (it's not - even the most conservative studies estimate that 5% of the population self identifies as gay, lesbian or bisexual), 2% of the American population equals about SIX MILLION, ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY ONE THOUSAND, FIVE HUNDRED AND NINETY TWO people. That's a whole lot of people who "might applaud Home Depot for it's actions". It's hard to marginalize a minority using hard numbers (especially when they're HUGE) so anti-equality groups only advertise the fuzzy, conceptual ones.

3 - Suggesting that supporting homosexuals offends all heterosexuals.

After pulling out the supposed 2% of individuals anti-equality groups oppose, they then try to suggest that the other 98% of individuals agree with their bigotry. The facts simply don't hold up to the rhetoric, however. Recent polls suggest that as many as 49% of Americans support same-sex marriage** and it's pretty damn unlikely they're okay with marriage, but radically against corporations that support queer-equality and rainbow-themed crafts. I couldn't find any poll results for "percentage of Americans that are blatantly bigoted against homosexuals", but I imagine it's a great deal smaller than the remaining 49%.

Also, let's be clear - if you're offended by the notion that a business sponsored a craft booth for kids at a Pride event I think you qualify as a blatant bigot.

4 - Suggesting that businesses who support queer equality will lose money.

Anti-equality groups love to threaten that since the vast majority of consumers are heterosexual, the vast majority of consumers will deprive any business that dares to support queer events and organizations of their hard-earned cash.

Bollocks.

Only a small percentage of consumers will even be aware that a business they visit supports queer equality. Of that small percentage of aware consumers, an even smaller percentage will be offended. An even smaller percentage of offended consumers will participate in a boycott. Finally, an even smaller percentage of boycotting consumers will continue their boycott long term. Blips that small don't even show up on the radar of big corporations - and once you take into account the fact that a similarly small percentage of consumers go out of their way to support businesses who openly support equality, the blip disappears entirely.


Before I step off my soapbox I'd like to take one final parting shot at the AFA:

The American Family Association boasts a membership of some 3,400,000 people.

That's approximately 21% of the conservatively estimated total of American GLB individuals and only 2% of the number of Americans in favor of same-sex marriage.

Somehow I don't think Home Depot has anything to worry about.



*I choose "queer" as my orientation because the term "bisexual" falsely suggests there are only two gender identities available.
**April 30, 2009 ABC News/Washington Post poll - PDF