AFA Counteraction Alert - Won't Someone Think of the CHILDREN???

I grow weary of the AFA. I still feel their consistently vapid and exaggerated Action Alerts are worth combating (it must be nice for the companies and individuals targeted by these idiots to field a few comments from sane individuals now and again), I just don't have the energy to take them seriously anymore - after all, they don't even take themselves seriously. If they did, their Action Alerts and articles would contain actual facts rather than frenzied rhetoric. From now on I'll merely be using comedic translation to lampoon them like the clowns they are. I'm being generous, ridicule is more than they deserve.

The original text of the AFA Action Alert appears in italics, my helpful "translation" appears in bold.

Dear Friend,

Dear like-minded zealot,

Clad in rainbow colors and Human Rights Campaign stickers, these Home Depot employees help promote the company's outspoken pride for homosexuality.

Home Depot is proud they treat the gays like humans. They don't even have the decency to be ashamed of their disgustingly non-discriminatory attitudes.

According to the 2010 Southern Maine Pride website, Home Depot signed on as a major sponsor of its 2010 Gay Pride event. But simply financing the event wasn't enough for the big box chain.

Giving money to the gays is bad enough, but just wait until you get a load of what we're about to reveal...

Home Depot also signed on as a vendor, conducting kid's craft workshops for children in the midst of loud and boisterous gay activities.

Holy fuck! Did you catch that? CHILDREN! and GAYS! in PUBLIC! TOGETHER!

To this end, Home Depot is basically encouraging the attendance of children at events which openly expose them to transvestites, cross-dressers, and homosexual activists.

There weren't any children at these things until Home Depot showed up to entertain them! It's not like the queers have families! Home Depot must be luring kids in from NORMAL families whose parents are too stupid to realize they've just wandered into a Pride event! (Also, we're horribly confused by transgender terminology and have no idea that transvestite and cross-dresser are culturally synonymous terms.)

Unfortunately, Home Depot's participation in the Southern Maine Pride Festival doesn't stand alone. It has also sponsored and participated in the 2010 Boston Gay Pride parade.

They're everywhere! No where is safe! Why, if we don't stop them, YOUR town might be the next to be exposed to their filthy message of equality! And crafts. Filthy, filthy crafts.

Homosexuals often exploit young children in their desire to 'normalize' their gay lifestyle.

Those bastards! WE get to decide what's normal! Otherwise, kids might grow up thinking logic and equality trump prejudice and dogma!!! It's exploitative! Children don't have anything to gain from equality!

Gay pride events have a long track record for offensive public displays of homosexual conduct.

Have you seen them? It's disgusting! They have the gall to act like NORMAL couples! All huggin' and holdin' hands and stuff! And if you wade through thousands of totally decent photos you'll eventually come across a couple that are almost, very nearly, risque! It's revolting!

Obviously, Home Depot is OK with the idea of exposing children to an unhealthy and risky environment. So much so, it is willing to also celebrate it by participating in its promotion.

They're exposing these defenseless, innocent, CHILDREN to their own PARENTS, FAMILIES, and FRIENDS!!! Can you believe it??? It's unhealthy! It's risky! We can't say why, but... but... it is!!! CHILDREN!!!

TAKE ACTION

Bolster your sense of self-righteousness without exposing yourself in public where your bigotry might be recognized for what it is.

Send an email to let Home Depot know you are sickened by their support and approval of children at homosexual events.

Let Home Depot know that you vomit at the sight of families that aren't carbon copies of your own.

If you are a customer, please add an additional personal line to our prepared letter to Home Depot.

Also, tell them that you'll be buying your wholesome supplies at a store more sensitive to your bigotry.

After sending your email, make an extra effort to protect children by calling Home Depot personally. Brad Shaw is the Vice President of Public Relations. His direct number is 770-384-5350.

If you're comfortable outing yourself as a moron who can't tell the difference between danger and normal human behaviors, clog up Brad Shaw's phone lines in an attempt to protect children from their own friends and families.

Yes... that was far more enjoyable for me than logically dissecting their bullshit. There is one bit in the companion article I'd like to seriously comment on though:

"While homosexuals, who make up about two percent of the population, might applaud Home Depot for its actions, AFA contends the corporation is taking the risk of offending and losing business from the other 98 percent of the public."

Really, I wouldn't have thought you could pack so much propagandist crap into a single sentence. There are a number of tactics commonly used by anti-equality groups like the AFA at work here:

1 - Using the term "homosexuals" when discussing queer organizations and events.

When attempting to properly cultivate an "Us vs. Them" mentality it's important to eliminate all shades of gray, and Pride events are brimming with shades of gray. The queer community isn't composed only of individuals who primarily identify as homosexual, it includes individuals across the entire spectrum of sexual and gender identity. By only mentioning the opposite end of the spectrum from what they consider "normal", anti-equality groups neatly avoid discussing the fact that sexuality isn't black and white. Hinting at the existence of non-homosexual individuals like myself who identify as queer* only leads to a realization that human sexuality is too complex to be simply categorized as "Us" and "Them".

2 - Asserting that homosexuals "make up about 2% of the population".

2% is such a tiny little percentage, isn't it? Let's pretend for a moment that their percentage is accurate (it's not - even the most conservative studies estimate that 5% of the population self identifies as gay, lesbian or bisexual), 2% of the American population equals about SIX MILLION, ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY ONE THOUSAND, FIVE HUNDRED AND NINETY TWO people. That's a whole lot of people who "might applaud Home Depot for it's actions". It's hard to marginalize a minority using hard numbers (especially when they're HUGE) so anti-equality groups only advertise the fuzzy, conceptual ones.

3 - Suggesting that supporting homosexuals offends all heterosexuals.

After pulling out the supposed 2% of individuals anti-equality groups oppose, they then try to suggest that the other 98% of individuals agree with their bigotry. The facts simply don't hold up to the rhetoric, however. Recent polls suggest that as many as 49% of Americans support same-sex marriage** and it's pretty damn unlikely they're okay with marriage, but radically against corporations that support queer-equality and rainbow-themed crafts. I couldn't find any poll results for "percentage of Americans that are blatantly bigoted against homosexuals", but I imagine it's a great deal smaller than the remaining 49%.

Also, let's be clear - if you're offended by the notion that a business sponsored a craft booth for kids at a Pride event I think you qualify as a blatant bigot.

4 - Suggesting that businesses who support queer equality will lose money.

Anti-equality groups love to threaten that since the vast majority of consumers are heterosexual, the vast majority of consumers will deprive any business that dares to support queer events and organizations of their hard-earned cash.

Bollocks.

Only a small percentage of consumers will even be aware that a business they visit supports queer equality. Of that small percentage of aware consumers, an even smaller percentage will be offended. An even smaller percentage of offended consumers will participate in a boycott. Finally, an even smaller percentage of boycotting consumers will continue their boycott long term. Blips that small don't even show up on the radar of big corporations - and once you take into account the fact that a similarly small percentage of consumers go out of their way to support businesses who openly support equality, the blip disappears entirely.


Before I step off my soapbox I'd like to take one final parting shot at the AFA:

The American Family Association boasts a membership of some 3,400,000 people.

That's approximately 21% of the conservatively estimated total of American GLB individuals and only 2% of the number of Americans in favor of same-sex marriage.

Somehow I don't think Home Depot has anything to worry about.



*I choose "queer" as my orientation because the term "bisexual" falsely suggests there are only two gender identities available.
**April 30, 2009 ABC News/Washington Post poll - PDF

Sudsy

So... I'm in the bathtub.  I'm writing this in between YouTube videos as the thoughts come to me.  Going through my YouTube subscriptions while soaking in the tub is one of my favorite personal rituals.  Odds are good that, come late Saturday morning, this is where I'll be.  Also, I'll be happy. 

Speaking of which...

Glee

I missed the series the first time around (much to the annoyance of some friends who are avid fans of the show) but now that the network has decided to start over again and show the full season over the summer I'm making sure to record it.  I've only seen the first episode so far, but there are already two characters I want to torture until they die out of desperation to escape the pain and I'm loving the way they use songs to create mood and comment on the story.



Webcomic Theory - Sex vs. Masturbation

I have this theory that comics fall into one of two categories - sex and masturbation.

Masturbation comics do well on the web.  They're quick and instantly gratifying and, for the most part, you "finish" at the end of each strip - they stand alone fairly well.  This isn't to say that they don't have heavy moments of expertly crafted plot, the story line involving Davan's mother in Something Positive, Faye's father in Questionable Content, or Harmony in Jazz and Jess come easily to mind as examples.  While you certainly could be expected to have a more intense emotional reaction to those arcs if you'd been following the comic long enough to care about the characters, each individual comic stood on it's own.  The emotional impacts were encapsulated in each individual comic, as well as spread out over the entire arc.

Sex comics do well in print.  They're often long stretches of entertaining valleys punctuated by occasional peaks.  Their impact is mostly spread over an entire arc, or even the entire comic, and newcomers are likely to lose out without backtracking and putting in the same kind of effort long time readers have.  You want to spend time with them, get to know them.  They're intimate.

Let's be clear - there's a ton of crossover.  Comics that are insanely popular on the web also tend to sell a lot of books if they're made available.  I believe their sales are tied to the fan desire to own something that their favorite comicker created.  Likewise comics that sell hundreds of books tend to have a decent following on the web as well.  Their web presence is often populated by fans "keeping in touch" until the next book is published.  By in large, however, I think web-only audiences (those who rarely or never buy print comics) are attracted to "masturbation" style comics and print-only audiences (those who rarely or never follow a comic online) are attracted to "sex" style comics.

Why bother with the differentiation?  If you're putting out a quality comic on the web and your numbers are abysmal, maybe it's because you're sex trying to market to a masturbation crowd.  Conversely, if you've got stacks and stacks of print comics lying around that have gotten great reviews and few sales, maybe it's because you're masturbation trying to market to a sex crowd.

Just a thought.


Pity I'm a Reader...

Should there actually be any Theists out there reading this, please do me a favor and spread this around.  It's for your own good, really.


While I cannot speak for all Atheists, I can say the following piece is representative both of myself and those Atheists I've encountered (even only in passing or online).  I am not an idiot.  If you quote me a passage from your holy book that I am unfamiliar with, I will not only read the passage but several passages both before and after the passage in question.  If you tell me that a particular book was written at a specific time by a specific person I will fact check that assertion.  Assuming that I will not almost assures you will come out of the debate looking like a disingenuous ass.  If you insist that evolutionary theory, geology, astronomy, the big bang theory, M theory, etc... asserts something that it does not I will find out if I don't already know and you will come out of the debate looking like either an ignorant git or a liar or both.

Don't insult my intelligence and I won't insult yours.  It's a fair trade.


Everyone Draw Muhammad Day - Disappointed Thanks

I learned a great deal from Everyone Draw Muhammad Day.  Unfortunately, one of the most poignant lessons I learned was that a few people I honestly admired and respected are apparently unashamed bigots.  I feel the day itself and many of the drawings it inspired were important.  It's important that we drive home the fact, as often as necessary, that in America no one has the right to not be offended.  It's important that we drive home the fact, as often as necessary, that in America nothing is beyond the reach of criticism - including religion.  It's important that we drive home the fact, as often as necessary, that in America your personal freedom extends only as far as it's ability to negate the freedom of another.  I believe with all I am that all our freedoms rest upon the strength of our freedom of speech.  I believe in the core of Everyone Draw Muhammad Day and I thank all those who participated.

Throughout the time period in which the day was being promoted and "celebrated", and now extending to the debate surrounding the plans to build an Islamic cultural center in the general area of "ground zero", a few individuals have risen to prominence for me.  Some have stood out by virtue of their honor, dignity, tolerance, and sincere desire to educate.  Others have stood out by virtue of their ignorance, bigotry, hatred, fear, and desire to spread propaganda and obscure information.

All-in-all, I'm disappointedly thankful.  One of the reasons I so champion freedom of speech is that it makes the vile amongst us easier to spot.  It's simply a shame that I now count a handful of previously respected individuals amongst the vile.


It's No Longer Saturday

I somehow managed to skip the "click the Publish Post" step before stepping out of the bath and continuing my day.  Bugger all.