I Complain A Lot

Specifically, I complain a lot about the topics my coworkers choose each morning. Jesus is apparently a very good friend of theirs and has a lot to do with their daily decision making and such. Last week the topic was the nature of sin. This week's topic is apparently spiritual motivation in regard to church donations. I've also complained about my co-worker's choice in music, which typically consists of more-or-less musical numbers proclaiming her eternal love for The Savior. Sometimes it's about being unworthy and such, but most of the time it equates to a god-bound love letter.

I do not complain about these topics because they offend my Atheist sensibilities in any way. Okay... I'll admit that I do wish they'd shut the hell up about their sky fairy - but not out of some desire to keep people from talking about things I don't believe in. Rather, it's because the topic is becoming rather repetitive and damn it... I want them to talk about something I can openly participate in! I feel like a Stepford wife sitting here nodding and smiling and swallowing my tongue. A black sheep in stylish boots.

So why don't I pipe up and join in?

It has been my experience that simply identifying myself as an Atheist is enough for some Christians to feel as though their very faith is being attacked. Not all of them, of course - not by a long shot... but enough of them that I'm hesitant to say anything at all, especially as it's a psychology that confuses me. I'm not a confrontational person. Not. At. All. I'm not looking to get into a religious debate with anyone. I'm not looking to challenge anyone's notions of right and wrong. I wouldn't even refer to their gods as sky fairies. (I may be an Atheist, but I'm not rude.) Some Christians, however, have actually responded to the statement "I'm an Atheist" with something akin to fear - not to me as a person, but to the ridiculously described Atheist Agenda. The imaginary Borg-like entity they've been told is determined to set their children on a path to hell, outlaw their holy book, and see that the mere mentioning of Jesus is a crime punishable by hate speech laws.

I know it's all ridiculous... but they don't.

What bothers me is that I don't seem to be free to tell them there's nothing to be afraid of. They get to know me, and they know I'm an Atheist, but they don't get to know me as and Atheist in the same way I get to know them as Christians. That I'm an Atheist is sort of tacked on - like a wart no one wants to bring up. It's not allowed to be part of my daily identity because it's somehow Scary and Wrong and Possibly Dangerous.

I don't care if they talk about Jesus all day long. Though it makes me a rare case, I don't even care if they spend precious time and resources trying to convert my heathen soul. I just want them to give me the same freedom to talk about my views that I've given them. I want to be able to say "You know, it's really interesting to me that you feel the Holy Spirit wanted you to give that specific sum. What did the church do with the money?" without them adding in any unspoken intentions and becoming defensive. I want to be able to say "I took my kids to that church once - my daughter was curious about what Christians do on Sundays" without it being seen as either an insult or a conversion opportunity. I want to be able to say "Actually, I don't believe in the concept of sin" without being looked at like I might get pregnant five or six times a year just so my lovers and I can dine on roast fetus after our community orgy. I want to be able to say "I don't believe in god" without killing the conversation like a bee on a baby.

As for the music... it doesn't offend me either. I just think it sucks.

Summing up - I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated because my views will always be considered offensive by some. I'm frustrated because there's no way for me to know who will be offended and who won't be offended before I open my mouth. I'm frustrated because I care and I feel like I shouldn't. I feel like I should stand up for my right to express my own views in non-combative ways. I feel like I should let those around me know that Christian is not a default label and that Atheist probably doesn't mean what they've been led to believe it means. I feel like I should be as bold about simple reason as they are about faith.

I'm frustrated because there are believers out there that are frustrated for the same damn reasons and the notion of political correctness will keep us from knowing one another and seeking common ground.


In the end I sit back like a good Stepford Wife and resign myself to leaking it only when directly addressed:

"You just have to trust in Jesus, you know?"
"Actually, I'm an Atheist... but thanks."
"Oh... um... I... uh... I'll see you tomorrow..."

*sighs*